whimsy 5

adventures on i-95

whimsy 4

whimsy 3

whimsy 2

my mom is always right

i wrote down what she told me over the summer:

• you have to be happy before you can be in a happy relationship
• relationships aren't about fairness or counting sacrifices.  you do things for your family because you care about them.
• relationships are about patience and understanding.  everyone has a different personality and you have to let them abide by their own schedule. she says if i don't learn this lesson now, i will learn it it when i have kids.
  
• relationships aren't business deals that you rush to close.
  

whimsy

the days are getting longer

i'm rubber you're glue!

in 8th grade, we studied genocide in english class.  anne frank and all that.

i gave a presentation on the genocide of native americans.  i was outraged and wanted everyone else to be too. 

one of my classmates pointed out that what we did to the native americans wasn't the same as what the nazis did to the jews.  he had a point, but i took it personally.  when the teacher invited me to talk about it after class, i acted like i didn't care.  it bugs me that i couldn't just say how i felt.

* * * * * * * *
my college friend drew and i have the same conversations over and over again. they are basically variations of this:

drew:  i'm sad.
carol:  aw. don't be sad.

carol: i feel terrible. i know i shouldn't feel terrible.
drew: don't fight it. feelings don't make sense.

somehow, that's sustained 10 years of friendship.

things swirling in my head

there are many things.  here are a few:

• naureen writes about being superior but still failing.
  
• an inspiring ted talk about shopping at thrift stores.  she radiates happiness :)
  
• i said to a classmate -- i don't care about poor people.  development work is depressing and hard.  if i don't care about the poorest people, i'll never want to work at the world bank or unicef (neither of which are in SF).  but, it's hard not to care when 40-ish percent of children under five in india are malnourished.  and the real energy challenge is about rising living standards in the developing world. 
  
• magnetic fields!

stop it, facebook

of the four or so ads that facebook shows me at a time, typically:  2 are for engagement rings, 1 is for home-related things like real estate, and 1 is for shoes and dresses.  see exhibit to the left. 

today, the shininess was a bit much for me -- three pictures of diamonds? really?  facebook used to show me yoga retreat or doula training ads.  what happened to that?

i've compared my ads to matt's ads, and we are nothing alike.  he gets ads for tools.

i wish it were easier to ignore, but advertising totally works on me.  like, i've purchased a mccafe coffee right after walking past an entire train station lined with mcdonalds ads.  regret.  and i've purchased (and returned) dresses that i seen advertised on fb.  now, i'll check out how to stop blood diamonds!  after all, i'm writing a paper about information asymmetries and private certification / eco-labeling.  it's research, right?

dutch landscape painting

(van ruisdael, view of haarlem)

i was reminded of dutch landscape painting last night, when i was writing a paper for energy economics.  dutch landscapes have little bitty windmills.  wind produces electricity.  and we can add those electrons to the supply stack sometimes. 

i like these 17th century paintings:

• the clouds are magnificent!  not unlike the icloud, which matt recently put our music into.
• the sky takes up 2/3 of the painting!  it's humbling to see signs of human activity as little specks on the canvas.
• there are lots of windmills in the horizon.

comings and goings

i visited sf for a weekend a few weeks ago.  we hung around the house a lot, playing with new kitchen toys.  we made pizza (pizza stone!) and ice cream (ice cream maker!).  also, point reyes hike and friends' engagement dinner.

matt came to visit for the week of thanksgiving.  we mostly hung around, though we did go to a wine & cheese party.  thanksgiving at his parents' house in ct.

i'll be in dallas this weekend, interviewing for a job.

india

i went to india over fall break for my class about "health status in west bengal".  an assortment of things:

• a few non-work days, including a crazy day trip to the taj mahal, old delhi, and a few other delhi neighborhoods.
• full days of back-to-back meetings in kolkata, including a visit to hospital, primary health center, rural sub-center, school, village, and gram panchayat.  i was particularly excited about the entire day we spent looking at the "total sanitation campaign" from the highest to lowest levels.  exhausting, a bit tiring to hear to "official version" of things, but still interesting.
• a few treats in kolkata -- amazing indian-ized chinese food and bengali food, a night around college street's cafes and bookstalls.

i'm glad to be back.  it's hard to be around the same 10 people for a long time.  and, the air was pretty smoky.  trying to recover from jetlag and backlog of work now.

strange & fascinating world of philanthropy and nonprofits

scattered thoughts:

1.  i realized that charitable institutions have to file financial statements just like businesses.  checked out EDF's just for kicks.  fascinating facts:

the president makes $400,000+.  their biggest program area is climate change (based on operating expenses).  It's almost 3x's as big as their next largest program area, oceans.  40% of expenses are covered by grants and they re-grant $10m.  they pay outside consultants to do all kinds of analysis.  they have a separate $10m "action fund" that looks like it's for lobbying and litigation.

it's like the difference between looking at someone in person and looking that their x-rays. 

2.  a nice essay by princeton's provost, explaining why people should give to princeton, even though its endowment is already at $16b.  it didn't convince me, but it was super lofty and made me feel excited about the intellectual endeavor :)

3.  money is tricky.  you get some, you give some.  if you're mr. rockefeller or mr. stanford, you get a lot by being a robber baron and then you give a lot.  100 years in the future, people are still drawing on that pot of money.  it's like immortality.  and it's good and bad.

4.  i wrote a letter thanking paul volcker because i am, apparently, a "nomura securities fellow."  yah, former chairman of the fed!  thanks to bankers, i have a free education.

eight unwritten papers

i have to write eight major papers before january 10, 2012.

instead of doing anything to help myself, i just hung around this weekend.  how much will three more days of procrastination hurt, anyway?

i slept in, listened to tunes, applied to jobs, practiced yoga, swam, picked apples ate 2 cider donuts in a row (nomnomnom!), deep fried vegetables for dinner with friends :), put together a five-slide "presentation," read about california energy markets, and watched TED talks.

nowhere near as productive as i should have been.  and, i've been plagued with procrastination today as well.  it's okay, tomorrow.  tomorrow is a new day :)

p.s. a couple more interviews last week, including a ding within 3 hours.  it's okay, there's more to life than management consulting.

updates

• a couple of job interviews.  a good warm up, so i'll be ready when i find the right one for me!
• matt's visiting next week, yay!
• field research in india over fall break. 

fall 2011, revised

i think i figured out my course schedule:

• energy economics
• regulatory policy toward markets
  
• international trade policy
• health status in west bengal
• fundraising
• agriculture & climate change

iceland highlights

• wandering around the streets of reykjavik.  also, enjoying the nice studio apartment.
• hiking for four-days in the highlands from landmannlauger to thorsmork.  the landscape is stunning! black lava rocks; orange, yellow, white, blue clay; neon green moss; white cotton puffs; and sometimes blue sky.
• driving the unpaved and pot-holed roads of the westfjords.  beautiful fjords, not so beautiful weather.
• enjoying numerous geothermal hot pots.  blue lagoon, municipal pool, hidden and unhidden pools overlooking fjords, pool right next to the ocean, and natural hot springs.

a great trip!

august was a busy month

• wrapped up epa internship.
• visited family in texas.  we watched lots of movies -- harry potter 7.2 and the help.  ate.  zumba :)  acquired fun and interesting things -- cowboy boots, clutch, and bright belt.
• a weekend stay at pigeon point lighthouse.
  
• visited iceland
  
• couples counseling 

school starts on september 15, so i'll be in sf for 10 more days.

efficiency

matt and i got to talking about cars and horsepower tonight.  i wondered, how efficient is a horse compared to a car?

we did some very rough calculations: 

a horse and car are about the same. but, a person is way more efficient!

catch up

it's been a busy month:

• megan visited.  we hiked around muir beach; ate delicious things -- off the grid, blue plate, lolo; and barbequed twice.
• caught up with friends.  papusas with lisa; heart & dosa with jimmy; boxing room with hongmai & co.; lasagna @ home with eugene & alicia; thai with drew; zaytoon with stephen.
• camping in the sierras with matt.  a stunning & secluded hike near sonora pass.
• camping at hendy woods with matt & 6 other couples.  great hike, great food, great people.  driving back through anderson valley, we picked up hard apple cider at an apple farm, tasted great wine @ navarro vineyards, and tasted beer @ anderson valley brewing company (they make boont).  
  

latest relationship thoughts

i've developed a cold, rational view of romantic relationships:

• commitment device.  i don't believe a commitment is real unless you "pay" something.  weddings and rings are a form of payment.  the "celebration of love" part is just pr.
• project management.  i think goals and milestones are important.  so is developing a time line and plan of action to achieve those goals.  i get it now, when people talk about relationships as work.
• high expectations.  i used to think that being relaxed and undemanding ("low maintenance") was a good thing.  now, i feel like being "low maintenance" means you don't respect yourself enough.  i'm realizing that you have to hold your partner to high expectations.
  

summer thoughts

i love my internship! 

i am:

• learning a lot about a variety of topic areas:  agriculture, energy, climate change, finance, waste
• meeting and interviewing lots of stake holders:  local, state, and federal government, non-profit, trade groups, businesses, entrepreneurs, bankers. 
• playing financial forecaster.
• dairy farm tour! 
• attending interesting and relevant talks: cool roofs, ties between ag & climate change, germany's experience with the feed-in-tariff, and carbon offsets workshop
• great people, great group.  my supervisor and mentor are super-knowledgable, communicate well, and are very nice.  i'm sitting with one of the most interesting and innovative groups at Region 9's EPA -- its clean energy & climate change office.
• generating, hopefully, useful work products -- papers overviewing the industry, financing issues, and maybe an article. 

i feel like it's given me a good sense of what public policy is about -- translating everyone's interests into a common goal.  also, it's been nice to get a taste of working for the government  -- messy, unfocused but relaxed.  it's been good to be in an organization that is the exact opposite of CR.

i think, though, that i need more structure.  i want to work in an organization that thinks and acts strategically.  and while i'd like to be an expert, i'm not ready for that yet.  i want to be around people who are smarter and more knowledgable than me.  i still need mentors. 

most importantly, i've found some career ambition -- i want to have an interesting and challenging career, not just a series of jobs to finance my life.  that, is a new and exciting feeling for me.

happenings

a lot going on:

• catching up with oldies. melissa & kat at cafe madeline, drew at ayola, eddie & michael at roe - thirsty bear - dalva, cornerstone folks at cigar bar.  dim sum and dog walking with matt s. & terry.  off the grid with eugene & alicia.  slow club with shira.
  
• epa.  21st amendment & baseball game with epa folks.
• eugene & alicia's wedding at hakone garden.  so nice :)
  
• films.  super 8, true grit, play time @ castro theater.  all very good.
• foods made without kitchen.  corn bread & veg chili; coconut rice, black beans, and fried plantains with mango salsa; soba with eggplant & mango, bourbon peach hand pies
• fruit picking & tara's with matt's people.
• coffee.  new to me -- coffee bar and the summit.
  
• serious shopping.  mattress, sofa, appliances, granite.

one sad thing, though.  i borrowed a friend's bike, but it was stolen!  a busy week ahead.

brick and mortar

today is day five of my internship at epa.  still developing the scope of my project, but i'm pretty excited to be diving into the world of cow poop :)

 

i had contrasting end-of-day meetings yesterday:

• exhibit a: two hbs entreprenuers fished for funding from a group of epa folks.  they told us -- they have technology, strong partnerships with utilities & dairies, and construction is 95% complete.  they'd met with stakeholders and agencies ranging from regional air boards to the feds for many years.
  
• exhibit b: after, i had dinner with former colleagues. geeky, business-oriented consumer web startup types.  they brainstormed get rich quick schemes on the interwebs.

a lot of opportunism going on.  it was mind blowing how different (and how much harder) it is to form a brick and mortar business, especially in a highly regulated space.  as un-sexy as it is,  it's really cool that people try to build sustainable companies despite the easy money to be had on the internet. 

halle berry != carol lu

i wanted a bold, sassy, short hair cut.

the hairstylist and i flipped through a magazine. 

i thought, halle berry has a pixie cut.  she's hot.  i want to be hot.  i want a pixie cut.

lesson learned. 

the good thing is that hair always grows :)

lost coast

matt and i hiked the lost coast trail, a 25 mile stretch of beach near the california-oregan border.  we thought the walking might be very difficult and that rain would slow us down.  neither turned out to be true!  highlights:

• discovering and walking on the grassy trail alongside the beach.  gorgeous, gorgeous wildflowers everywhere!
• hearing the sound of water receding over the rocks.  lovely.
• camping atop a grassy cliff and driftwood shelter a few feet from the waves.  
• fire & toasty marshmallows!
• our new tent withstood some nights of very strong winds and rain.
• learning that "impassable at high tide" means to be careful even during the outgoing tide.
• fields of yellow grass, towering rocky cliffs, and a nice, flat stretch of black sand at the end.
• the sand, cobblestones, and rocks were hard on the feet.  we developed an appreciation for any kind of hard, flattened surface.

in short, a wonderful weekend trip. 

texas times

i went back to texas for a few days:

• picked up michelle from austin
• went shopping with my mom
• watched bridesmaids and lots of friday night lights
• drinks with michael and michael
• dinner with ren ji with family friends

a good time!

moving

this'll be my 7th move in 7 years.

i used to be so good about not accumulating stuff. 

where did this all come from?  with the exception of three or so boxes of pictures and personal items, i think i could part with all of it.  i have so many random things -- jane's microwave, linford's heineken glass, terry's spatulas, CR swag.

throw it all away!

rewind

two weeks ago, matt visited.  we went to prom, an art museum party, the franklin institute.  met up with buni, walked around a nice park,  watched that valerie plame movie.

we also not-fought, a lot.   

i don't know.

today was the last day of class

last final on the 18th.  texas from the 19th to 22nd.  sf after.

tx in ny

it's nice to see buni and viv in new york every once in a while.  :)

like, looking at a museum exhibit and eating pizza with buni last week.  and seeing the old 97's with vivian this week.

i'm glad i still get to see those gals.

sf for the summer

i'll be at the environmental protection agency's region 9 office this summer.

super excited to be back on the west coast.  i think it'll be great to get a feel for environmental organizations in the bay area.  i'll be working in a group that spans all the divisions, so i can get a taste for what each one is about.  also, my project will be related to facilitating technology commercialization, so it kind of straddles the public and private sectors.  i think it'll be a nice place to be!

spring

i almost crashed into the car ahead of me because i was looking at a row of strikingly yellow bushes!

food pantry

my classmate and i went out to a trenton pantry to survey their clients.  the trenton area is considered a "food desert," with few grocery stores and little access to fresh foods.  we'd been working with the food bank to develop and test a needs assessment survey, and today was our first time to use the instrument for reals.

it felt nice to win people's trust.  also, to see that the survey was confirming some of our hypotheses about food access.  it reminded me also, of the crazy maze that people have to navigate to get basic social services.  in policy school, it's easy to forget the people behind the econometrics of "program evaluation" and maybe why we wanted to come here in the first place.

although i sometimes joke that graduate school is poverty, i think my meager stipend is still 2 times higher than the highest income person i surveyed today.  so, there's a lot to be grateful for.  hopefully our work will help to make the food bank's programs and services better tailored to their clients' needs.

spring break

my sister and i were back in the bay for spring break :)

sisterly fun:

• played indie video games at a film festival "exhibit"
  
• watched a really sad film festival film about japan, helping people, the elderly, and cats
• jumped around at house of air
• dinner date with michelle at greens.  we got a table next to the window at sunset!
  
• facials and haircuts
  
• kayaking and beach bonfire near monterey

a jolly good time.

i also helped matt with house stuff.  and we checked out a great, new sushi place, ichi sushi on mission.

grad school is warping my brain

as you might have noticed, my coursework is super-interrelated.  sometimes it's nice, sometimes i think it's warping my brain. 

some themes:
- evaluating empirical studies.  econometrics sneaks into every one of my classes, and i'm glad to be taking a full year of it.
- social psychology.  also sneaks into every class.  i also appreciate it.  a nice counterweight to the super rational approach to economics.
- causality.  how can one really know that something caused another thing to occur?

that's social science!

secret language

today, i researched the impact of epa's mercury emissions rules on coal-fired power plants.

 

in trying to figure things out, i spent a lot of time translating various fields' languages into my own.  the legalese of epa regs and court rulings, understanding how the energy world measures things, public health evaluations of risk and toxicity,  economic analysis of various consulting firms, and investment banking lingo of analyst reports.

it's interesting how each discipline has its own language.

happy visit

matt visited me last week.  yay! 

it was a low key week.  we went to a classmate's dance performance, hung out at the princeton art museum, watched documentaries (restrepo and the cove), wandered about nyc, hosted a classmate's valentine birthday party, and visited matt's family in connecticut. 

spring break is in 3 weeks.  (before that, midterms.)  i'll be back in sf, along with my sister :)  hooray!

the days are getting longer

that's nice, at least :)

school update

they said this semester would be easier, but i think it's a lot harder.

here's what i'm taking:  macroeconomics, applied econometrics, environmental economics, and psychology of public policy implementation. do you see the theme?  i'm pretty sure if i only took the first 2 classes, i would still be stressed out.

it's been nice to spend fridays up in new york city for a micro internship with edf.  also, i'm finally field testing a survey my classmate and i created to assess whether a local food bank is meeting its clients' needs.

winter break, part 2

i spent my one-week break between the fall and spring semesters in ca and tx.  perfect weather in both places. 

highlights:

• dosa & the old 97's at the fillmore.  good show!
• alemeny and ferry building farmers' markets
• drywalling
  
• productive interviews
• meet ups with keqin, kat & mel, drew, a big CR gang, and mattm michael suzanne
  
• journeyed from dallas to austin, just to have lunch with my sister!
• watched the social network
• hunted for veg restaurants with my mom
• belly dance extravaganza

i wish i could be on vacation forever!

tiger mothers

have you read that excerpt, why chinese mothers are superior?  what do you think?

excellence and achievement

i enjoyed this essay, "America and the 'Fun' Generation" a few months ago.

p.s.

me and benji

philadelphia

to kill time between finals and a mock qualifying exam, keqin, ashok (classmates) and i went on an excursion to philadelphia.  we were underwhelmed.  we:

• checked out independence hall, where the declaration of independence and constitution were written.  we also saw the liberty bell.
• went to the "constitution museum," where we saw a very patriotic presentation.  keqin compared it to communist party propaganda, except "in china, you don't have to pay"
• browsed reading terminal market, where we ate lunch and basset's ice cream (like president obama)
  
• walked around upenn.  we were denied entry to wharton business school, which we went into for warmth.
  

i'm glad we did that yesterday because today is very wet and very cold.

food notes

it seems like the delicious mission food scene is creeping toward bernal.  i hope, at least :)

matt and i checked out locavore over winter break.  good concept, tasty, and really close.  also checked out arizmendi bakery (cheeseboard sister) on valencia.  a fun treat :)

costa rica

matt and i went on a five-day trip to costa rica.  highlights include:

• a jungle hike that led to a pristine beach at manuel antonio!
• looking at the gorgeous views to the pacific, as we ascended the gnarly unpaved roads to monteverde.
• zip-lining through the cloud forest canopy near santa elena.  also, walking across hanging bridges.
• relaxing at the hot springs near arenal volcano.
• playing scrabble on the iphone.

casado vegeteriano

on the plane to costa rica, i finished jonathan safran foer's eating animals.

it was enough to push me over to the other side, at least until i figure out a coherent set of standards for myself. 

it's made me very conscious of a few things:

• eating with friends is tricky.  how can you be a good guest?  or fun food explorer?
  
• memories and tradition.  i saw a chick-fil-a at the mall and exclaimed, i love chick-fil-a, let's go!  then remembered, there's nothing i can eat there.  in sf, matt and i made a stop at king of shanghai dumpling because i love xiao long bao.  i forgot about the meat part.  i could forgo chick-fil-a for the rest of my life, but the chinese food i grew up on?  i'm not sure.  i forget that the stuff i like to eat and the food traditions i have don't match up with being veg. 
  

other than that, it's pretty easy.  just like in costa rica, i already eat "casado vegetariano" most meals anyway.