gift giving

'tis the season to go shopping...

in that spirit, i gave myself some gifts: a long wool coat, super mario galaxy for wii, and more clothes. there's so much more to want -- to start, kitchen appliances, camping gear, and shoes...

gift giving is serious business. i like to think of gifts as bits of yourself that you want to give to someone else. you know, something unique and very personal. the stuff in stores, anyone can buy that. (though, a friend rightly pointed out, not everyone would think to buy things and sometimes its nice to get something you want but wouldn't buy for yourself.) still, homemade things, things that are passed down, or useless things that remind you of a time you spent together -- those are the best. probably not very functional, but what's a gift anyway except a gesture or celebration of friendship / love? (okay, i understand that they have other functions like social signals, fundraising, etc.)

it doesn't work on every one. and as i grow old and enter yuppie adult world, i find myself not working as hard as i used to to think of or find gifts. my gift giving philosophy is overly sweet, sometimes unappreciated, and socially unacceptable. in the grand experiment with eric sun, i mostly abandoned my silly ways (though i was still careful to choose things that had meaning to me), flexed my new spending power and tried to understand / do things the way everyone else seems to do it.

i'm not sure how i'll go about it in the future. i'd like to keep it special with every one i know. but, i'm really tired.

look good naked

or lgn, as i learned today from priscilla.

cliches i'm told: "everything turns out okay" and "some things are meant to be".  i don't believe either statements.  things don't turn out okay -- people die young and there are so many injustices in the world.  all we do is continue living as best as we can.  the second, i don't really know what that means.  maybe something about fate or predestination.  i find it depressing to think that there is such a thing, that some of us are fated to fail, to be unhappy, or much worse.  some people lose big time, so if things are meant to be, how can everything turn out okay? 

sometimes people also say, "the world is not fair" to justify their unfair decisions.  i remember this from third grade, but i think the argument is dressed up in adult talk as well.  i usually disagree, and i hope you do too.  yes, the world is not fair.  no, you don't have to perpetuate it.  but, the world is not fair, and i'm embittered by that.  these days, i don't feel like playing nice, being fair, or sharing; often, i don't care. 

the principles guiding my life now?  how about look good naked?

loaded

i try to keep things simple. i really do. texas, though, is loaded with meaning and history. or i'm a drama queen.

when i'm here, i hate who i am. i become petulant, i sulk, i am uncompromising. i'm inclined to make jokes that seem innocent but are really unforgiving comments about ancient history. maybe we (matt, naureen, michael, michael, amartya, vivian, and i) operate like the stereotypical family during the holiday season: we rehash our dramas and throw horribly personal barbs at each other.

after a nice thanksgiving dinner with the family and family friends last night, i did the high-school friend after-party bit at matt's house.

it felt eerily like a summer night from 2000: tequila shots, smash brothers in the background, promises of a warm hot-tub, kiran's tales of sexual conquest. it's hard to stand -- everything is the same but we are older; naureen flirts with matt; suzanne's pictures in his room; discussions about our career/school choices, spoken with the fear of disapproval. i told michael in the car, "i've decided maybe i should take hardline stances in my life. i hate matt. i can't stand him." that would be keeping it simple. unfortunately, i don't actually feel that way. i don't think i feel that way about anyone.

it's not as bad as it sounds. maybe it's just that we are close and care too much.

a new page

personal notes aren't so bad, i suppose.  let's just put them on a new page.  a laundry list to start!

 

turkey, 2.0 review

mostly a success, i think:  thirty-ish people and quite a feast (twenty-two pound turkey, ten pound ham, two ducks, two chickens, cassaroles and salads galore, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, pecan pie, corn bread, lasagna, pasta, stuffing, biscuits, gingerbread, two apple pies, rum cake, ice cream, apple cider, cheese, strawberries, whipped cream, ridiculous amounts of wine, and more)  for next time,

• timing of the turkey and other foodstuffs.  last year too early, this year a bit late. 
• delegating kitchen and greeting help. 
• getting people who don't know each other to talk!

 

other notes for the past few weeks

• birthdays.  jessica and kristin.
• crabbing with flora, ian, and others.
• robert came and left
• sammy left.  for good.
• filed report.
• wine with lauren and heather.