matt 1.0: why i try to keep it simple

flora comments on the eric post that he did not honor or respect a recently-ended relationship, which is a class a offense. be careful about dating me, whoever you are. you will become fodder for my blog...

her comment reminds me of the only relationship i tried to end, matt 1.0. it is classically carol. only i could fuck things up in this way: with the best of intentions, a perverse sense of egalitarianism, a liberal sprinkling of masochism and unhappiness all around. it makes me smile now because it is so ridiculous. at the time, i was miserable.

what i learned:

• i can't avoid hurting people no matter how hard i try.
• i shouldn't involve innocent third parties.
• the desire for physical gratification will overwhelm the myriad resolutions i make, including the self-imposed stalemate.
  
• don't pretend that things aren't happening. make commitments. and keep them.
• keep my life simple as simple as possible.

probably, i learned more than that. and i could tell it in a million other ways. whatever, it was a long time ago.